The joy of laughing gas...aka funny things that happened when i was in la la land

So this is my first blog since getting married all of 2 1/2 months ago. A few temptations came up to write like "the best It's always sunny episodes", "reviews of stuff i finally saw", and "Lost rewind: a perspective on the past seasons", but i got lazy, however, I now have something to write about.

About a week ago, I had probably one of the most painful toothaches ever while i was at work. After visiting the dentist, he told my my wisdom teeth has got to go...and a tooth i had a bad root canal on, which the back portion broke off a few weeks after the procedure and remained that way for at least a year. So yesterday I went to get all 5 teeth removed. Everything began pretty normal, I talked to the nurses about the Broncos/Cubs game and how much everyone was booing for Jay Cutler. Then came the gas, about 5 minutes inhaling the gas I told the nurse I wasn't feeling anything (i was getting a little heavy eyed but i wanted more) so she turned it up a bit and left the room. Suddenly, within my chest it felt as if there was a constantly giggling person deep inside. Of course, I tried not to laugh and my mouth kept making very twitchy smiles. Shortly, I began making my lips form a "O" shape, for some reason this was funny to me. Then Dr. Lurcott came in to get everything started.

"This is going to be the part you're not going like very much Brad" he said, as he began to give me the local anesthesia shots (9 or so in total). As he began the other side of the mouth he said "here's some more" to which i replied "numf ve vff ouutta ve". He removed the plastic keeping my mouth open. "what was that Brad?" he asked. "I vaid numbf ve shiff out of me". He replied by laughing, then I realized that i was being a little to comfortable with my language and dropped a S bomb in front of someone i only knew less than 3 minutes, so i immediately said "Sorry doc, iff's ve gas". He was cool with it and said he gets it all the time. After I was nice and loopy and couldn't feel my mouth the procedure began. Thankfully, I didn't feel anything at all but lots and lots of pressure as the first two teeth were pulled. After the first tooth was pulled, i noticed how much blood was on the doctor's index finger, i also noticed when he tried to open my mouth wider the bloody finger touched my chin. "his damn bloody finger just touched my beautiful beard...i'm going to sue him" I thought to myself. The next few minutes, I just thought of nothing but very very random stuff, especially of the gas and how I wished i could feel like that all the time, or how i can be on laughing gas at work so I wouldn't hate my job, then i took a turn left and started having inner conversations with myself over star wars and marvel superheroes, which i "told" myself "Brad you are such a freaking geek, it's a miracle you're married and not a virgin".

My thoughts were interrupted when the doctor began working on the "bonus" tooth i had to remove (the one that had a botched root canal) for some reason this one was hard to remove and the doctor spent a good while trying to pull it. When he finally, removed it he decided to let me rest my jaws before doing the other two wisdom teeth. For some reason I thought I'd tell him "That tooff wav a bitff huh?" he replied yes and laughed and once again I apologized for another profane word and once again blamed it on the gas. As he worked on my other final teeth i drifted off again into the nerdy world of my random geeky thoughts until the procedure ended. For some reason I didn't remember him pulling the last tooth, in fact all i remembered was the one on the top jaw being pulled. "All done Bradley" to which i replied "holy shiff" and once again apologized.

They began giving me oxygen to get out of the laughing gas loopiness, and then had me wait until the doctor returned. I remember looking in some magazine but immediately putting it away once i came across a random article on sex dolls, I already made a first impression with this group as someone with a loose tongue, the last thing i wanted them to think was that i was into that stuff too (which i'm not, but the pictures were funny because one had a guy totally making out with one). Once the Dr came back in, I had to have the nurse play translator as I was mixing charades with mumbles to ask if i could get a doctor's note for work since my job right now consists of constantly talking to people on the phone for 10 hours a day.
Once i got my oxycodone and antibiotics as Stacey and I were leaving for some reason I thought I'd be able to tell her everything i said and thought in the room and about the squirrel that was on a dumpster when we were leaving, which obviously was lots of mumbles to which Stacey told me just to "shut up and tell her later".

The rest of the day, I spent gauzing myself, attempting to eat applesauce (which with a lip 3 times it's normal size and a numb mouth is quite impossible without most if not all of it falling out of my mouth and onto my lap/crotch area). Once i got my mouth to regain feeling, I tried again with much better success. Next dental work will be the replacement tooth I'll get...but i'm spending at least a month to recover.

When did Amazon become so funny?

Usually my nightly routine after work is after avoiding being attacked by the kitty and saying hi to Stace (who's usually in bed when i come home) consists of 2-3 hours online looking at stupid crap. It's fun to me and I can't stop!! However, in my usual rotation of funny websites (Fark, Digg, Cracked, et all), I now should add Amazon.com.

Usually this is where you'd go to find that obscure movie you wanted. Or perhaps to pre-order something you want. However lately there's been an awakening of really really funny user reviews online for the most pointless crap. Here I bring to you the best of what i found (so far) and give an official "bad ass rating" based on customer reviews. So of my findings Thus far we have a mystical magic wolf shirt, some sweet "fightin" pants, and...Uranium. Hope you enjoy!!(still figuring out html coding so bear with me)

Exhibit 1: The Magical Wolf shirt you'd find at Wal-mart or Goodwill...or even my Dad's Closet

Randomly Selected Quotes From Reviews

"This new shirt gave me the ability to hunt out deals at Walmart. Hit on chicks without throwing up. Pee in parking lots and not care. Bite through metal. And now at midnight my parents basement is filled with my screams, thanks AMAZON!!"-Leviticus St. Cloud
~~~~~
"I read an article on this very shirt and its magical properties. I read that it attracts women like feces attracts flies. So being the 28 year old morbidly obese virgin I am, I promptly ordered it."-T. Rafalik "Teen Wolf"
~~~~~
"After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth."-B.Govern

BAD ASS RATING: 5 OUT OF 5 CHUCK NORRISES

Exhibit 2: The Awesome Pants of Yesteryear

Randomly Selected Quotes From User Reviews:

"I was searching for clothes that speak to me.. These pants not only spoke to me, they entered my soul and transformed me. When I get out of my bitchin 78 camaro wearing these bad boys, there's no question who the boss man is..
You can easily go commando in these and feel even more manly. Your junk swings freely and using the restroom is that much easier.." - Alan E. Schmidt "Monkeyhead"
~~~~~~

"Until recently, I've had trouble finding pants that are both fashionable and conducive to my chosen fighting style (a lethal mix of Filipino stick fighting, Thai kick boxing, and Oklahoma pig grappling). Jeans have always proven constrictive, while corduroy chafes. Sweatpants are comfortable, but hardly something one would wear out to, say, Olive Garden or Old Country Buffet.

No, I needed something that would enable me to dish out a neck-high snap kick while still looking classy and cool.

These are those pants." - by Head Cheeze

BAD ASS RATING: 3 OUT OF 5 MR. Ts

Exhibit 3: Uranium Half-Off!!!

Randomly Selected Quotes From User Reviews:

"The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker." - Kyle J. Von Bose

~~~~

"Mixed with a little garlic, some finely chopped basil and pine nuts this makes a fine alternative for pesto. And it has an added advantage which is that if the lighting fails in your home it will produce sufficient illumination to make your kids and pets glow in the dark, enabling you easily to locate them." - J.D.Annis

BAD ASS RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 Bruce Campbells

my "explosive" thoughts on the Lost Finale

***don't read if you haven't seen the finale yet ***


2010 is a very long ways away and Darlton (producer,Carleton Cruz and co-creator Damon Lindelof) didn't so much as give us the slightest hint of what the hell happened at the end other than a Bizzaro title card and someone's eye opening. Not even a small taste of what to expect. In the last 4 seasons we got the following:

Season 1: Oh crap, Steamboat Willy just stole Walt (who'd later become WAAAALLLTTT!!!!)& maybe killed Sawyer!!!

Season 2: Desmond is blowed up oh nooooo!!! and Micheal and WAAAALLLLTTT leave while Jack, Kate, and Sawyer are bound and gagged by the others to maybe become experiments/polar bear food.

Season 3: Crazy Jack and Kate get off the island...unknowingly to us Locke Died.

Season 4: Island disappears, people leave the Island to be "rescued" we find out Locke Died.

and this is what we get
Season 5: ???????, Locke's dead but Evil Locke (no goatee sadly) lives on perhaps possessed by a devil.

Despite not knowing if our Lostaways are sent back into the present, past or if they are just sent into a million pieces around the island, I was SO FREAKING HAPPY TO SEE SAWYER BEAT THE LIVING PISS OUT OF JACK. Unfortunately Dr. Blockhead didn't get any sense knocked into him. but seriously that was worth staying a fan this long for, I been waiting for that for a long time. It turned out a worthless fight when Sawyer and Jack's shared love interests decided to let Jack blow up Jughead anyway leaving Sawyer without any support except for Miles who spoke up WAY too late. I'm sure Jack would still be lying on the jungle floor bleeding if Juliet didn't catch Sawyer looking at Kate. Stupid fickle women.

Secondly, It was great to see a few people come and go. I was glad to see that snooping annoying jackass Phil get skewered to death...jackass. Also,I know back in the day I was very annoyed with Rose and Benard being focused on more b/c i didn't care about them, but I've grown to like them, but despite that I was more happier with seeing Vincent the dog come back. There's alot of theories out there now that Rose + Benard = Adam and Eve skeletons way back in the first season. Still possible, but I don't know if the detonation of Jughead caused them to go wherever it is everyone went, so that might be a kink in that theory. Although they "died" or "have been dead" or "dying" I don't know if it's the end of the line for Sayid, Locke (the good one) or Juliet. If any of them were dead as in "not on the show after this" it'd be Juliet, she set off a nuke a foot away from her face plus she'll be in a remake of "V" this fall. However, I hope she comes back because I'm a fan of Sawyer and Juliet, Kate's damaged goods, just let Jack have her.

Now as for the Jacob stuff, pretty cool but we only see him one episode before Ben kills him and evil-Locke kicks him into a fire. Pretty cool new character but I'm sure he'll be back. I'm still deciding if he's a god, angel, demon, or whatever in a "game" against the black shirted other guy, god, angel, demon. The only thing I am making a theory of is that ship at the begging of the episode was the Black Rock (the granddaddies of the Others with Captain Richard Alpert) and this was where Jacob "failed" and flight 118 is his next chance at doing whatever it was he wants to do with bringing people to the Island. Also WAAALLLTT's dream about Locke being chased by people wanting to hurt him is probably that swarm of Others waiting to kick his evil doppelganger's ass. Although shocking, it's pretty depressing that Locke has been dead the entire time and shapeshifting anti-Jacob has been playing us half the season, which means Locke got screwed pretty bad. But who knows, maybe he'll get another touch of life/become Jacob's new vessel.

Finally, what the hell happened when Jughead when boom? I don't think we'll open with everyone in LAX not knowing each other like Faraday said it would cause. Instead i think something else is going to happen. In the words of Faraday's beast-whore-son-killing-mother, "Fate has a way of self-correcting". With that thought I think the season will either begin or end with the crash of flight 118, we'll have Charlie, Micheal, WAAALLLTT!!!, Eko, Claire, Boone, Shannon, Ana, Libby, Frogurt, Artz, Sayid, Good-Locke?? all back but everything goes bizzaro different. Best of all Nicki and Paulo won't even show up. That's at least the vision i have. But we'll see in 9 months!

Random Thoughts and tidbits for May

So last time i did a blog that WASN'T just movie lines to make people guess, I went on a rant about how Deadpool looks in the new Wolverine movie (which i was told to save my money because it sucks), since i haven't seen it yet in theaters or online I won't say anything but they did greenlight a Deadpool movie which hopefully gives less Deadpool shooting lasers out of his eyes and more classic scenes like this



Funny stuff, anyway this is why i love the character.

Big stuff coming up. Getting married in 44 days, and we FINALLY found an apartment! Our "top picks" had great reviews like "i lived next door to a prostitute" or "my car got broken into" and "this place has a bedbug problem". Finally we did find a good place, lots of Russians it seems, 3rd floor, 1 br and we'll have a deck and fireplace GREAT SUCCESS!!

So things like that has kept me a little busy from Scrubs so I don't get to reflect on it like Dru or Richard did, but I HAVE been following lost and as much as I love the season so far I was pissed about ONE THING:

Yep...they killed off one of the best people on the show since Desmond showed up in season 2. So Interesting character who Guarantees a great episode dies, while boring annoying characters live...

No joke, i literally got excited when I thought she got shot tonight!! But it was Sayid killing Roy from the office (who's a dick in 2 shows now). Anyway one more episode left and that's it for the year with Lost. I'm a little sad next season is going to be the last. Tonight was maybe/maybe not Scrub's last season, but i think I'll miss Lost a lot more. I'll need a new obsession this time next year.

What else... oh I found something I want to make I'm so making those and that'll be how i'll get rid of the boxes in the apartment when i move in. I maybe should wear THIS SHIRT while I'm killing boxes with the wolverine claws. Nothing says I'm a badass like Wolverine claws and a shirt that (according to the reviews on Amazon) has magical powers.

Well enough random stuff for now,
Brad

Geek Rant of the week (assuming this becomes weekly)

It all began with a leaked picture of a action figure..

THIS FIGURE!!

That little Barraka looking guy is Deadpool...according to the package for the upcoming Wolverine movie. Nothing to really freak out over really, Deadpool is bald, and horribly scared up hence why he wears a full body costume as seen here.

This is the Deadpool in the comics, a pretty cool character he's deadly, and he's also hilarious with his quips and insane moments of talking to himself or to those thought boxes in the comics. So naturally, this figure did not bother me at all, i mean I can live without the red and black costume, and the blades looked taped on...something that Deadpool probably would do fighting Wolverine, just to be funny.

However since this toy photo leaked, something much more bigger leaked...like the entire freaking movie of Wolverine!!! I admit sometimes I do watch movies (not downloading) without seeing it in the theaters while it's still in it's theatrical run, there are ways to do it, but if it's a movie i REALLY REALLY want to see (Watchmen, Quantum of Solace) I'll go to the theater, but if it's one I really don't want to see (Twilight)I watch it in this way. I have not seen this leaked movie but it's nearly impossible to not hear some of the feedback if you're a internet/pop culture geek like me...and now I'm getting nervous.

From some pissed off geeks, the toy shown earlier IS Deadpool. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I don't want it to be. This is the same baldy in the last trailer shooting lasers out of his eyes and a closer look at the toy IT HAS NO MOUTH!!! how do you make the "merc with a mouth" mouthless? anyway I hope that if they do the rumored Deadpool movie they at the very least give him a mouth if this is the real person.

However, I am a bit optimistic as when Batman Begins came out I was a little bummed out about Liam Neeson not being Ra's Al Guhl and Ken Watanabe was playing that role instead. He was billed as Ducard as Watanabe was billed as Ra's respectively, and as i sat in the theater I kept thinking Neeson would be a good Ra's and then the big reveal was Neeson WAS Ra's. So here's hoping.

Now after that rant I feel like a giant nerd...I should go to sleep or something.

PS: If Deadpool wasn't enough of a departure of a cool character, The Cobra Commander, best known for kicking puppies

will look like like this, this summer


-Brad

Things to come (aka resulutions and predictions for the new year)

In a few hours 2008 will be no more. Personally it was a pretty good year, i worked my first professional job, I proposed to the woman I've been dating for the better part of the last 3 years, I got to start a new life in Colorado, and there were some really cool movies out.

There are a lot of great things happening in 2009, along with my wedding, several good friends of mine and people i know are tying the knot this coming summer. anyway with 2008 on it's final day I wanted to put out a few fun predictions.

My predictions for 2009

>> Fox will allow Warner Brothers to release The Watchmen after a masked vigilante stuffs the president of Fox into his own refrigerator during a interrogation to change his mind.

>> Miley Cirus will end the recession by unveiling a new currency called "Hannah Montana fun bucks."

>> There will be remakes of the remakes of the hulk and punisher movies announced.

>> Kanye West's career will crash when his ego decides to start a solo career.

>> Desperate to make more revenue refridgerator companies will start marketing thier products as proper nuclear bomb shelters (worked for Indy 4).

>> Heath Ledger will win an oscar for his performance in the Dark Knight. no punchline, i think he has a good chance.

i was kinda bored, anyway I'm looking forward to the new year, it's going to be a HUGE year and I'm looking forward to every little bit of it.
Happy New Year!

It's been a little over a year hiatus since i posted a blog in any shape or form, but I think it's time to return to the world of blogging.
I am currently living in a circle of my own personal hell i call unemployment, but thankfully I was hired for a job (starting in feb) and thank God, I was worried i was going to have to resort to turning tricks or something to stay afloat. I just need to find something to do for the next 34 days. Today I made a blog. now to figure out what to do the other 33 days