When did Amazon become so funny?

Usually my nightly routine after work is after avoiding being attacked by the kitty and saying hi to Stace (who's usually in bed when i come home) consists of 2-3 hours online looking at stupid crap. It's fun to me and I can't stop!! However, in my usual rotation of funny websites (Fark, Digg, Cracked, et all), I now should add Amazon.com.

Usually this is where you'd go to find that obscure movie you wanted. Or perhaps to pre-order something you want. However lately there's been an awakening of really really funny user reviews online for the most pointless crap. Here I bring to you the best of what i found (so far) and give an official "bad ass rating" based on customer reviews. So of my findings Thus far we have a mystical magic wolf shirt, some sweet "fightin" pants, and...Uranium. Hope you enjoy!!(still figuring out html coding so bear with me)

Exhibit 1: The Magical Wolf shirt you'd find at Wal-mart or Goodwill...or even my Dad's Closet

Randomly Selected Quotes From Reviews

"This new shirt gave me the ability to hunt out deals at Walmart. Hit on chicks without throwing up. Pee in parking lots and not care. Bite through metal. And now at midnight my parents basement is filled with my screams, thanks AMAZON!!"-Leviticus St. Cloud
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"I read an article on this very shirt and its magical properties. I read that it attracts women like feces attracts flies. So being the 28 year old morbidly obese virgin I am, I promptly ordered it."-T. Rafalik "Teen Wolf"
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"After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth."-B.Govern

BAD ASS RATING: 5 OUT OF 5 CHUCK NORRISES

Exhibit 2: The Awesome Pants of Yesteryear

Randomly Selected Quotes From User Reviews:

"I was searching for clothes that speak to me.. These pants not only spoke to me, they entered my soul and transformed me. When I get out of my bitchin 78 camaro wearing these bad boys, there's no question who the boss man is..
You can easily go commando in these and feel even more manly. Your junk swings freely and using the restroom is that much easier.." - Alan E. Schmidt "Monkeyhead"
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"Until recently, I've had trouble finding pants that are both fashionable and conducive to my chosen fighting style (a lethal mix of Filipino stick fighting, Thai kick boxing, and Oklahoma pig grappling). Jeans have always proven constrictive, while corduroy chafes. Sweatpants are comfortable, but hardly something one would wear out to, say, Olive Garden or Old Country Buffet.

No, I needed something that would enable me to dish out a neck-high snap kick while still looking classy and cool.

These are those pants." - by Head Cheeze

BAD ASS RATING: 3 OUT OF 5 MR. Ts

Exhibit 3: Uranium Half-Off!!!

Randomly Selected Quotes From User Reviews:

"The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker." - Kyle J. Von Bose

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"Mixed with a little garlic, some finely chopped basil and pine nuts this makes a fine alternative for pesto. And it has an added advantage which is that if the lighting fails in your home it will produce sufficient illumination to make your kids and pets glow in the dark, enabling you easily to locate them." - J.D.Annis

BAD ASS RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 Bruce Campbells