When did Amazon become so funny?

Usually my nightly routine after work is after avoiding being attacked by the kitty and saying hi to Stace (who's usually in bed when i come home) consists of 2-3 hours online looking at stupid crap. It's fun to me and I can't stop!! However, in my usual rotation of funny websites (Fark, Digg, Cracked, et all), I now should add Amazon.com.

Usually this is where you'd go to find that obscure movie you wanted. Or perhaps to pre-order something you want. However lately there's been an awakening of really really funny user reviews online for the most pointless crap. Here I bring to you the best of what i found (so far) and give an official "bad ass rating" based on customer reviews. So of my findings Thus far we have a mystical magic wolf shirt, some sweet "fightin" pants, and...Uranium. Hope you enjoy!!(still figuring out html coding so bear with me)

Exhibit 1: The Magical Wolf shirt you'd find at Wal-mart or Goodwill...or even my Dad's Closet

Randomly Selected Quotes From Reviews

"This new shirt gave me the ability to hunt out deals at Walmart. Hit on chicks without throwing up. Pee in parking lots and not care. Bite through metal. And now at midnight my parents basement is filled with my screams, thanks AMAZON!!"-Leviticus St. Cloud
~~~~~
"I read an article on this very shirt and its magical properties. I read that it attracts women like feces attracts flies. So being the 28 year old morbidly obese virgin I am, I promptly ordered it."-T. Rafalik "Teen Wolf"
~~~~~
"After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth."-B.Govern

BAD ASS RATING: 5 OUT OF 5 CHUCK NORRISES

Exhibit 2: The Awesome Pants of Yesteryear

Randomly Selected Quotes From User Reviews:

"I was searching for clothes that speak to me.. These pants not only spoke to me, they entered my soul and transformed me. When I get out of my bitchin 78 camaro wearing these bad boys, there's no question who the boss man is..
You can easily go commando in these and feel even more manly. Your junk swings freely and using the restroom is that much easier.." - Alan E. Schmidt "Monkeyhead"
~~~~~~

"Until recently, I've had trouble finding pants that are both fashionable and conducive to my chosen fighting style (a lethal mix of Filipino stick fighting, Thai kick boxing, and Oklahoma pig grappling). Jeans have always proven constrictive, while corduroy chafes. Sweatpants are comfortable, but hardly something one would wear out to, say, Olive Garden or Old Country Buffet.

No, I needed something that would enable me to dish out a neck-high snap kick while still looking classy and cool.

These are those pants." - by Head Cheeze

BAD ASS RATING: 3 OUT OF 5 MR. Ts

Exhibit 3: Uranium Half-Off!!!

Randomly Selected Quotes From User Reviews:

"The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker." - Kyle J. Von Bose

~~~~

"Mixed with a little garlic, some finely chopped basil and pine nuts this makes a fine alternative for pesto. And it has an added advantage which is that if the lighting fails in your home it will produce sufficient illumination to make your kids and pets glow in the dark, enabling you easily to locate them." - J.D.Annis

BAD ASS RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 Bruce Campbells

my "explosive" thoughts on the Lost Finale

***don't read if you haven't seen the finale yet ***


2010 is a very long ways away and Darlton (producer,Carleton Cruz and co-creator Damon Lindelof) didn't so much as give us the slightest hint of what the hell happened at the end other than a Bizzaro title card and someone's eye opening. Not even a small taste of what to expect. In the last 4 seasons we got the following:

Season 1: Oh crap, Steamboat Willy just stole Walt (who'd later become WAAAALLLTTT!!!!)& maybe killed Sawyer!!!

Season 2: Desmond is blowed up oh nooooo!!! and Micheal and WAAAALLLLTTT leave while Jack, Kate, and Sawyer are bound and gagged by the others to maybe become experiments/polar bear food.

Season 3: Crazy Jack and Kate get off the island...unknowingly to us Locke Died.

Season 4: Island disappears, people leave the Island to be "rescued" we find out Locke Died.

and this is what we get
Season 5: ???????, Locke's dead but Evil Locke (no goatee sadly) lives on perhaps possessed by a devil.

Despite not knowing if our Lostaways are sent back into the present, past or if they are just sent into a million pieces around the island, I was SO FREAKING HAPPY TO SEE SAWYER BEAT THE LIVING PISS OUT OF JACK. Unfortunately Dr. Blockhead didn't get any sense knocked into him. but seriously that was worth staying a fan this long for, I been waiting for that for a long time. It turned out a worthless fight when Sawyer and Jack's shared love interests decided to let Jack blow up Jughead anyway leaving Sawyer without any support except for Miles who spoke up WAY too late. I'm sure Jack would still be lying on the jungle floor bleeding if Juliet didn't catch Sawyer looking at Kate. Stupid fickle women.

Secondly, It was great to see a few people come and go. I was glad to see that snooping annoying jackass Phil get skewered to death...jackass. Also,I know back in the day I was very annoyed with Rose and Benard being focused on more b/c i didn't care about them, but I've grown to like them, but despite that I was more happier with seeing Vincent the dog come back. There's alot of theories out there now that Rose + Benard = Adam and Eve skeletons way back in the first season. Still possible, but I don't know if the detonation of Jughead caused them to go wherever it is everyone went, so that might be a kink in that theory. Although they "died" or "have been dead" or "dying" I don't know if it's the end of the line for Sayid, Locke (the good one) or Juliet. If any of them were dead as in "not on the show after this" it'd be Juliet, she set off a nuke a foot away from her face plus she'll be in a remake of "V" this fall. However, I hope she comes back because I'm a fan of Sawyer and Juliet, Kate's damaged goods, just let Jack have her.

Now as for the Jacob stuff, pretty cool but we only see him one episode before Ben kills him and evil-Locke kicks him into a fire. Pretty cool new character but I'm sure he'll be back. I'm still deciding if he's a god, angel, demon, or whatever in a "game" against the black shirted other guy, god, angel, demon. The only thing I am making a theory of is that ship at the begging of the episode was the Black Rock (the granddaddies of the Others with Captain Richard Alpert) and this was where Jacob "failed" and flight 118 is his next chance at doing whatever it was he wants to do with bringing people to the Island. Also WAAALLLTT's dream about Locke being chased by people wanting to hurt him is probably that swarm of Others waiting to kick his evil doppelganger's ass. Although shocking, it's pretty depressing that Locke has been dead the entire time and shapeshifting anti-Jacob has been playing us half the season, which means Locke got screwed pretty bad. But who knows, maybe he'll get another touch of life/become Jacob's new vessel.

Finally, what the hell happened when Jughead when boom? I don't think we'll open with everyone in LAX not knowing each other like Faraday said it would cause. Instead i think something else is going to happen. In the words of Faraday's beast-whore-son-killing-mother, "Fate has a way of self-correcting". With that thought I think the season will either begin or end with the crash of flight 118, we'll have Charlie, Micheal, WAAALLLTT!!!, Eko, Claire, Boone, Shannon, Ana, Libby, Frogurt, Artz, Sayid, Good-Locke?? all back but everything goes bizzaro different. Best of all Nicki and Paulo won't even show up. That's at least the vision i have. But we'll see in 9 months!

Random Thoughts and tidbits for May

So last time i did a blog that WASN'T just movie lines to make people guess, I went on a rant about how Deadpool looks in the new Wolverine movie (which i was told to save my money because it sucks), since i haven't seen it yet in theaters or online I won't say anything but they did greenlight a Deadpool movie which hopefully gives less Deadpool shooting lasers out of his eyes and more classic scenes like this



Funny stuff, anyway this is why i love the character.

Big stuff coming up. Getting married in 44 days, and we FINALLY found an apartment! Our "top picks" had great reviews like "i lived next door to a prostitute" or "my car got broken into" and "this place has a bedbug problem". Finally we did find a good place, lots of Russians it seems, 3rd floor, 1 br and we'll have a deck and fireplace GREAT SUCCESS!!

So things like that has kept me a little busy from Scrubs so I don't get to reflect on it like Dru or Richard did, but I HAVE been following lost and as much as I love the season so far I was pissed about ONE THING:

Yep...they killed off one of the best people on the show since Desmond showed up in season 2. So Interesting character who Guarantees a great episode dies, while boring annoying characters live...

No joke, i literally got excited when I thought she got shot tonight!! But it was Sayid killing Roy from the office (who's a dick in 2 shows now). Anyway one more episode left and that's it for the year with Lost. I'm a little sad next season is going to be the last. Tonight was maybe/maybe not Scrub's last season, but i think I'll miss Lost a lot more. I'll need a new obsession this time next year.

What else... oh I found something I want to make I'm so making those and that'll be how i'll get rid of the boxes in the apartment when i move in. I maybe should wear THIS SHIRT while I'm killing boxes with the wolverine claws. Nothing says I'm a badass like Wolverine claws and a shirt that (according to the reviews on Amazon) has magical powers.

Well enough random stuff for now,
Brad